Seasons End

Theres not a lot "new" with us, we're just busy settling into a routine over here. I work mornings Monday thru Sat, and Zane works the rest of the day/late night, so our days start early and end late and are busy with work. I think for this reason going down when Oliver does in the afternoon is a real necessity for me.
Right now Oliver is doing better at home in the morning since he's adjusted to taking the bottle I leave for him, which is hugely relieving on all of us. It is awesome as well to no longer be "wasting" milk every day. Glory hallelujah.

Car trips/grocery store runs are getting better but really touch and go and we usually avoid them and have Zane pick up groceries. We DID make it to church last week, but we left as soon as Oliver saw all the people (and royally and loudly lost his s***.. so did we and in our moment of  exhaustion decidedly committed to not doing it again.. not kidding) however he did really good the last time we were in a group so we'll try again this week with our chins up and coffee in hand.

I am simultaneously looking forward to preparing for the next season, and holding on to this one as much as I can, soaking up everything I can from it.

The next season..
Winter and Spring will include planning for overall positive long awaited changes in direction for our family, for which we are both anxious and excited.

Also later in the Winter or Spring (whenever he's ready after 6 mo) I'm planning on starting Oliver on BLW. I'm very excited for the whole process, especially at the prospect of him continuing to primarily nurse, so I think it will work well for our family. We'll be using the bone broth in the beginning, which I'm excited about because we can start trying it in the cold months, and we can all have some. :) I'm also curious to see if it will help with teething.

I'm looking forward too BLW, warmer jammies, holidays and change. Dreading sick season with a young baby in the house.

I'm holding on to today too, though. Oliver has a doctors appointment on Monday. It's not pediatrician ordered, it's just a perk of new babyhood, but I don't plan to miss it because these appointments are what keeps us in the "new" baby days before they're gone. They are part of our long-complicated-special baby story in my memory. ♡

Trifecta.

Its been a while since writing and I want to share.
This weekend I got to have a turn as bridesmaid to one of my favorite people as she married her favorite person. On top of that, my baby met LeeAnna's babies for the first time. ♡ He seemed to recognize baby as similar to him and he smiled at her. I hadn't met LeeAnna's youngest, and neither Leeann or Jo or Amie had met my new addition. These grown sisters were a second family to me for years (seriously, I actually lived with them) and it was so special to have our families together and participate in the last of us 3 getting married.

Speaking of babies.. mine is about 12 weeks now and a chunk! He's also been struggling lately with colic and reflux, and also does not travel well. Shout out to my husband who took us to Portland and volunteered in advance to take care of him this weekend (close by so I could nurse but not too close.. because.. well.. screaming baby) while I was busy doing wedding things, which meant a lot to me.

Oh, baby. If you feel like you haven't seen me, that's a big part of why. Aside from coming off a longer recovery and a slew of majorly isolating hormones (my sweet husband refuses to call it the "postpartum crazies"), some stemming from a very eventful and stressful pregnancy, and birth.. that aside it's now become just not worth it to try and take Oliver out for much gallavanting. When we take him out it's predictably and horribly unsuccessful, so I can't really go somewhere and bring him, and we don't have any more room routine/schedule wise for me to go somewhere and leave him with Zane (more on that later), but Zane knows how overwhelmelming it gets and gives his free time to me. So we're like a newborn hermit family.. which I think can also be described as.. a newborn family. This is fine. We are understanding that this is just where our family is at right now, this is how we stay sane, and that is perfectly O.K!

I just returned to work (new level of sleep depravation.. but I got a nap tonight!), but only work for a little while when the store opens in the mornings (about 3 hrs), and back before Zane goes to work himself, he works afternoons and nights. Nature's Pantry was so wonderful to work out this arrangement with me so that I can still watch Oliver while Zane is at work, and it won't mess with nursing. I feel so, so, blessed by this.

Speaking of, Oliver is again refusing bottles and spending almost all of that time angry at his dad about that, hopefully he will adapt again, at least to be ok for just a short time during the morning. He is a major cluster feeder and my first day he's wanted hours and hours (like 5.5)  of comfort feedings after returning from my short stint away. We haven't tried to get a sitter, this is on a very long list of reasons why. Yes, a long list. Baby has always stayed with me but incidentally this suits my current comfort levels too, especially since he's still pretty new.

At home he does very well when we have an uninterrupted routine. He will play and talk a little, but mostly he still just wants to eat and nap. He of course is overwhelmed easy, especially by new places and people (love that he knows both of us though!), but he's little (still technically a newborn until Friday!) and we work to go slow and do what works for us to function well until the next phase, whatever that may be.

As challenging as postpartum and nb babyhood is, I love this time just as much and I try to hold on to it because I know how much I'll miss it when he grows.. so I'm mindful to be in these moments now.

Lastly.
I love life as wife, part of the Nature's Pantry team, and now Mommy. If I step back and look, thats everything I've really wanted and if I feel like I'm just keeping my head above water sometimes because life is just so full, it really is drowning in blessings!
I haven't been giving much to God, but I still clearly see Him caring for, salvaging and changing me so that these valuable things can continue to grow in a healthy way even when it looks like I may crash them. And by the ways that we are changing for the better even though it's challenging, I really do believe that when He brings me to it, He brings me through it. And then it's still okay. And trusting Him and making those hard changes does make it better when it feels like it couldn't work that way.

That's all for now.

Postpartum crazies strike again.

I get the postpartum crazies and I get them bad. As stated previously, the husband concurs but refuses to call it "postpartum crazies".
Albeit some is hormonal, and some of it is risidual of trauma as we had an insanely eventful pregnancy and birth, and postpartum.
Some days, like yesterday, my moods swing and my brain forgets and I wonder where we are going.
And it can feel like this.

One inate treasure of motherhood is that timely gift of preservence, or rather, the most precious motivation to persevere. I push through and do my best because someone needs me. In this way, parenthood makes you better. You don't get to give up. And ultimately you make it to the next day. And if you make it to the next day, and to the next, eventually you make it to the last day of that season.

Support.

Support dynamics.. Personal  thoughts..

Countering Isolation.

"May I do "x thing" for you" to something as simple as "I am thinking of you" can go far enough so say it.

Stretch this out. It sucks to be reached out to at the beginning of a crisis and left alone in the weeks and months following.

Affirmation.

As in in lieu of criticism. I.e. Advice.

Confidentiality.

"Jame is sending prayers/advice" is just not what you want to hear before you've been able to share with said parties your personal version of the story.

"At least.." or "all that matters is.."

Nope nope nope nope. 

Consent and choices.

Theirs, not yours.

Validation.

"I believe you", and "I'm sorry this happened to you".

Validation may include empathy so long as one's experience does not need to reflect your own in order to be valid.

Of Love and Marriage, and that Baby Carriage.

Today my husband and I celebrate 4 years married (together) and my son celebrates 5 weeks earthside. He's not so great at celebrating though, he doesn't hardly ever smile and when he does it's usually attributed to reflex. He's a tough crowd.